Ezraa Valen Tynes

My girl is almost six months old. A Half of a year has flown by and it blows my mind how much she has turned into a little person before my eyes.

I can't express how happy of a kid she is. Always smiling and being silly. She has no problem expressing herself. The older she gets- the less I want to go to work. Going back after only three weeks of maternity leave was both challenging and necessary for our fiscal stability and my own personal emotional and mental stability. Now, as she develops or taps into some new facet that is Ezraa, I fear to miss any milestone that may be right around the corner.

Today we were sitting in her play area and I was reading a baby sign language book while she jabbered away- sitting next to her jumper. (what would we do without that thing)!?! I look up to see her raise her hands up- one on each support bar and pull herself up into a standing position with such grace and ease. I was so shocked and proud- utterly flattered to have witnessed such a simple human task that I busted out into laughter and the blubbery exclamation..."well look at that"! It startled her and she fell to her butt and looked at my with a huge grin. It was and will be imprinted in my top 5 favorite moments, thus far.

Many hundreds of pictures and videos have been taken since my last update but here are a few in the spirit of smiles and keeping this blog alive.

I feel it is appropriate to document where my head was at on Mother's Day.

Three months ago today I had Ezraa. I don't think I could have ever been prepared for birth and submitted to it fully. It was without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done and the most amazing and traumatizing event of my life. I would like to note- that when I use traumatizing it isn't a in a negative tone but rather one of an enlightening manner. A space time travel into a new realm of me- literally. Time travel/out of body experience. An epiphany born with her. I felt raw and new and as fragile and helpless as this new person that I made. Perhaps this is why we are so in sync.

I feel so much love for my daughter- my heart could burst if I focused on it hard enough, I am certain.

Every day is a surprise with this one. She is advancing and learning how to orchestrate her body with more control each day. I remember everyone telling me to cherish these times because they fly. I already feel as though I am being robbed as a.m. turns into p.m. and she leaves some helpless antic behind and conquers another inch of independence from my cradled arms.

At 12 weeks I am feeling less hormonal, though, I do still cry from overwhelming pride when she looks at me and cracks that smile- or looks down at a toy and picks it up and puts it in her mouth like she has been doing it for years- or perhaps my new favorite... dozing off with her thumb in her mouth. We have officially figured each other out- I know her sounds as if they were words imbedded in my mind. Her wines or grunts speak to the core of me and I respond graciously. It has made our relationship seem almost effortless.

She is a very easy lady to take care of and I find myself wondering if I should be struggling more from time to time. I know it can come off braggy but I would like to note that I realize how difficult babies can be so it comes from a sense of luck and appreciation and understanding that she is as good as she is. Ezraa is a very content baby for the most part and seems to trust us so much that hardly anything upsets her- she just goes with the flow and seems to just know that what we are doing is for her comfort and ease; from baths to changing to diapers- she never cries. It is a very rare occasion that she resorts to crying. I account most of this to the fact that we have finally found a common ground in communication. I know when she needs to burp or when she is hungry- when her teeth are hurting her or she is just exhausted. I know when she wants to stand and when I can lay her down and she will be content with it. It's made this stage of her life so enjoyable for me. I'd imagine that it is a symbiotic relationship most mother's and babies eventually come to enjoy. You don't read about these things in books like "What to expect when expecting".

In the beginning I was a fish out of water. Joel says I took to motherhood so naturally- but I remember feeding Ez one night after she was born and her arching her back and breaking the latch over and over. I was so frustrated because I didn't know what to do. Still recovering from an intense and fast natural labor - I cried and kept trying to introduce a latch. She was fighting me. I felt helpless and frustrated. He took her from me and changed her diaper and burped her- handed her back to me. She was so calm and fell asleep eating, so content.

What? They can break from feeding? She fusses it means a wet diaper? gas? OH! I was so busy trying to make sure she was fed I ignored all other reasons.

As soon as I watched him I could breathe. So simple. Why didn't I think of that?

Oh, I don't miss those days. The proverbial new momma blinders came off that moment. Soon after getting a feel of one another we became total dudes ... like these two.

That is my girl- and I GET her.

It feels good. Like no matter what profession I ever hold-- the success of smooth transitions with your growing baby is THE true sense of accomplishment- for now anyway. I know it only gets harder. And that's why I am enjoying her at three months and am loving spending my days around her schedule. After all, she is finally sleeping through the night so maybe that has a lot to do with it.

Also, now that she and I are at a comfortable stage I feel comfortable introducing new things into our routine. We are now on cloth diapers at home and it has actually been another smooth transition. A neighborhood momma gave me all I need for at home diapering to start off with - anyway and it is ruling thus far. I am all about saving 10 throw aways a day too. Adds up.

I know everyone thinks their baby is the best, the smartest and the most interesting thing in the room.

But dang. I'll follow the leader there- shamelessly.

My favorite Ezraaisms this week:

She breaks a latch to look at me and straight up CHEESES and then continue eating. It is ADORABLE. Like she says "Hey momma- I luhh you."

She CONSTANTLY smiles and is now digging her head into my shoulder when people coo or make her laugh- acting shy? Are you kidding me? What a little person.

Joel will wave at her and she lifts her arm up to say high back. She is also mimicking sounds when we say vowels. J will yell out different sounds and she responds with similar grunts back. So interactive.

All homegirl wants to do is stand up. She is incredibly strong and follows conversations in a room with her eyes. Who ever is talking she is looking at.

It is obvious that she dreams now. She will wake up in a terror every blue moon with a cry that shatters my insides with franticness to console her. I pick her up and hold her so tight- broken hearted that she had a dream that would scare her that bad. What is she dreaming about?

She will let out a distinctive helpless desperate cry when she wants to be held by me- almost the only time she cries. It speaks to the core of me and I will hold her tight and tell her I am here. She continues to fake cry once she realizes it works and it makes me giggle so hard because it is her first little manipulative trait. I LOVE IT. She will wind down with a "uhhhhhh uhhhhhhh ohhhhhh"... breathing deal with a little smirk on her face. Faker.

Dang- I could keep going but I am so sleepy and kinda want to hold her now after all this reflecting.

It was a....happy Mother's Day.