V day. D day. Induction day.

Well the due date has passed and we finally have a REAL date to work with. February 14th, Valentines Day. I can not express the fade of previously expressed anxiety that was growing with each day.

I still have 5 days for her to come naturally- though I feel it will not be that easy. Every little pain or cramp I hyper focus on - wondering if it is " the beginning". Then, nothing.

I have tried every remedy, exercise, long walk until my body aches and burns from exhaustion. I have come to terms with it being a purely hormonal act that makes labor do its thing. I have been ( & maybe Joel more-so) extremely lucky to have not had the nightmare stories and scenarios many others have experienced & warned us about. Maybe it is due to my mellow hormones- but now NOW when I need them to crank up- they are sitting back letting me enjoy my last bit of to-do projects and craft days.

Apparently induction is no " walk in the park ". (mind you, my last literal walk in the park down from our house was beyond arduous and painful) We are also facing the possibility of a cesarian if my body doesn't respond to the petocin or cervadil. Im terrified of the idea of a c- section and more than anything the detached feel/ impersonal experience. It breaks my heart to think I won't be able to hold her immediately after she comes into the world. I am looking forward to the pain of labor and the most amazing reward of my life. I truly don't mind suffering through the labor pains and aches and increased pain due to the induction versus natural labor- looking forward to seeing what my body can tolerate and what my mindset can dominate.

What a treat it will be to have her come naturally- but my hopes are invested in Tuesday.

The game plan: we go in at 11 am for a BPP- biophysical sonogram where they take one last look at Ezraa and determine her approximate size/weight and measures baby's heart rate, muscle tone, movement, breathing, and the amount of amniotic fluid. Then we will go in Tuesday night and get cervidil. It is a strip that will be inserted in me to start and/or continue the ripening of the cervix. Usually they recommend you lay for about two hours until there is progress. Sometimes multiple strips must be inserted if parts are stubborn. Because it is not natural it is painful. Once and if it works or begins softening the staff then gives you Petocin. That is the real motherload.

This is an artificial version of the body's hormone oxytocin. It is given by way of an IV lineand is used to cause contractions. The amount of Pitocin used will depend on how your body accepts it. Generally, the amount is increased every 15-30 minutes until a good contraction pattern is achieved. Sometimes this is done in combination with breaking the bag of water.

Benefits: A bit easier to control than say breaking the water, because the drug can be stopped by closing off the IV line. This does not commit you to having the baby. It can be turned off or stopped to allow mom to rest or even go home.

Disadvantages: Can cause fetal distress. May not cause contractions. May cause too many contractions or contractions that last too long. Because of the potential risks, the FDA came out and declared that this drug was not to be used for inductions for convenience or scheduling reasons. So it can only be used if the Cervidil works.

Everything is up in the air and more than likely we won't begin the intense stage of labor until Wednesday. ( yes she most likely will NOT be born on Valentines Day.) But none the less. We have a plan and it is so close I can rest easy knowing next week she will be in my arms.

This is a magical thought.