Early labor alarm!

First of all, I just want to say how appreciative I am that everyone has been keep up with this wild experience with me. Talking with mommas, close and far across the country, friends, and family has been my rock during what could be taken as a quasi traumatic experience- oh, pregnancy. It is quite like being initiated and accepted into this elite club of warrior women who have both softened and hardened in the delicate balance that is motherhood. Their stories and experiences, most of all relations, have kept my head in tact and I feel a closer bond because of it.

 I've had the luck of acquiring Joel's family- who has extended their love and acceptance of me far beyond what I could have ever imagined. Granted I am carrying their niece, grandchild- but it was far before we were pregnant that they made me feel a part of their family and given me hope in a sweetly functioning family that I have craved for a long time. My blood family will always be my family, despite the austere moments, grudge ridden riffs, fights, and damage- but having a sense of how a family makes the choice to support each other so lovingly despite how different everyone is has given me great hope for the same in my new family we are about to have and I appreciate them for it.

NOW. Onto the juice.

After no sleep for a long period of time, for me, cramping and pain and my anxiety at it's peak all last night, I just woke up ( 3:30 am) from being in bed all day with a crippling migraine. 

I went into my midwives office alone because Joel was called in late night to cover someone's shift who was a no show at the Gainesville Sun. He came home as I had to leave for the appointment- laid in bed and then began getting calls to go back in to a labor intensive day. :( Not only does he bartend, but works about 5 people's positions at the Sun and is on non stop call through out the day and night if anything is ever needed. Not to mention that he is practically on-call now with me and Ezraa.

SO back to the ....I walked into the midwives office and went to the front desk. "Alone today?" the lady said. "Yep". ( In my head going, "That's kinda rude to say for several reasons... implication-station, especially because their ARE single mothers, people who work and frankly, none of your business receptionist with a bad wig".) She made a strange face that left me insecure and I sat down waiting for the nurse to call me into the next door. I was pretty nervous because I wasn't sure what was going on and now felt insecure that I was alone for some reason, not to mention that I was wearing this awful arrangement of maternity clothes that I would normally cringe at back in my skinny days with a pair of thick white socks that stuck out of my pants and shoes in a very elementary way.

I proceeded as normal once I was called back- the pee pee in the cup routine, the dreaded weigh-in, blood pressure check, roll of questions "Any head aches" "Swelling" "bleeding"?
I was brought back to meet the last midwife who could be on call for the birth and told the nurse/assistant about the "leak". She asked me a series of questions and said "sounds like early labor to me" and told me that it could last for weeks.
I changed into my sexy paper gown and laid on the paper lined bed, obviously not made for pregnant women, in an awkward-sweat... thinking about how our entire birthing plan (as wide open as we have tried to make it) would be crumbled before my eyes of she were to come before 37 weeks.
The midwife came in and introduced herself and my nervousness clearly signaled for her to lose the intro-spiel and just listen to me. I told her about the leak and cramping and she immediately began a cervical exam. She talked me though the entire procedure, which my previous Midwife didn't, and that was very comforting. Chris was just like wham-bam and if there were surprises you just dealt with the round of "oh and woahs and pokes."

After three tests she told me I had passed two out of the three. I had a little amniotic fluid under the microscope that lead her to think that the leak I felt was Ezraa, being as rowdy as she is, she made a hard movement and forced fluid out. She explained that I basically was in the beginning of early labor- that could last for weeks!!!---which means to simply take it easy until week 37 comes. Otherwise, they will have to try to stop the labor which involves experimental drugs and bed rest. NOT what I want.

She ended it with asking me to continue checking in as my cramping and contractions grow and that after week 37 "let the weird begin". (Which I found quite unorthodox and comforting for her to say. ) I am currently 35 weeks and 5 days so for the next 9 days I have to take it super easy and rest, drink a butt load of water and try to keep tiny EZ where she is. I am still cramping and having major back pain near my sciatic nerve. Since the leak I haven't had my normal contractions like I have had for months now- she's been a lot less active and curled up in a tiny ball all lumped to one side- leaving my belly to look like The Goonies' Sloth's misshapen head. I have just been cramping like I am about to start my period and been pretty uncomfortable. Her heart rate is beautiful and perfect and she is 6 lbs now- maybe over that a little.

I don't want my baby's first days on this earth to be stuck inside an incubator so I am trying to fight my urge to go visit with friends and go for long walks and nest all day at home- and take it easy for the next week. It's going to drive me insane, I'm sure.

Oh. ALSO. MY MIDWIFE QUIT. There are three on call but I have built my relationship with Chris. Today when I was making my follow up appointment I was like "Oh I have one scheduled with Chris already"...to which everyone's faces went every which-a way and I stood their going "what"???

"oh, uhhh Chris is no longer with us anymore. She had to resign because of personal reasons." I was pretty offended in general that no one let me know- out of common office courtesy and more-so frantic that at 36 weeks and in "early labor" I am supposed to be comforted by a new staff I don't have a rapport with- that didn't even tell me if I hadn't brought her name up.

I felt so jumbled up from the night of not sleeping, exam, early labor news, uncertainty, cramping, blindness in my right eye and pounding-growing headache and news of Chris that I walked in a daze back to the parking garage and just sat in the driver's seat for a moment to gather my sense of self back.
 bottom line -
I am the one laboring and Joel and our select birthing crew will be by our side- so I don't care who delivers her in the end. As long as she is healthy and alive I will be content. Plus, I figure I'll just poop on them as punishment. :)

So I wait!